At least
half a dozen times last week I decided to stop eating sugar and white flour and
snack cracker-y foods until the first week of July. I want to lose some weight
before I visit my son, and the traveling was so pleasant last year when I had
been away from carbohydrates for most of a month. I had no congestion or
headache on the planes or in the airports. I keep making these “vows” with
myself and God because the reality is that I keep eating these foods whenever I
see them. The promises and the eating are crazy-making and make me feel disgusted
with myself. The process threatens to become the only--or too large--an item in
my brain.
Surely
there is more to my life than this! My garden is amazing this year, if I do say
so myself. All but too of the perennials and annuals I planted is blooming. I
can’t remember when I’ve had such good odds (and well-deserved after all the
turning of soil and adding of compost and breaking up of clumps of clay). After
twenty years of avoiding the sting of rejection, I have been revising and
submitting poems. I have even been exercising regularly. But saying the changes
needed in my eating will follow naturally does not work, nor do artificial
diets that establish a constant state of obsession.
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